This month, Bethany, a young mum from London and former Centrepoint resident, hosts a frank and honest discussion about young motherhood. This episode examines access to services, support and misconceptions to celebrate Mothers' Day through the eyes of those real lived experience of both motherhood and homelessness.
Joining Bethany on the panel this month are an amazing group of young women. First is our guest, Jayde Edwards, founder of Straight Talking Peer Education, a charity which runs courses in secondary schools to enable pupils to relate to the complex issues of teenage pregnancy, the life-changing consequences of early parenthood, child sexual exploitation as well as healthy relationships.
We also have a number of young mothers, supported by Centrepoint or Centrepoint's partner organisations to talk about their experience of becoming and being a young mother.
This month, Bethany, a young mum from London and former Centrepoint resident, hosts a frank and honest discussion about young motherhood. This episode examines access to services, support and misconceptions to celebrate Mothers' Day through the eyes of those real lived experience of both motherhood and homelessness.
Joining Bethany on the panel this month are an amazing group of young women. First is our guest, Jayde Edwards, founder of Straight Talking Peer Education, a charity which runs courses in secondary schools to enable pupils to relate to the complex issues of teenage pregnancy, the life-changing consequences of early parenthood, child sexual exploitation as well as healthy relationships.
We also have a number of young mothers, supported by Centrepoint or Centrepoint's partner organisations to talk about their experience of becoming and being a young mother.
The podcast from centre by young people for old people centre point is the UK is leading youth homelessness charity. At centre point, we believe no young person's life should be defined by homelessness. We give young people the support they need to heal and grow no matter what. for over 50 years, we've been the centre point for change, personal and political. Everyone has their part to play with young people leading the way. This podcast has been created by young people with lived experience of homelessness will be shining a spotlight on some of the issues that affect us. We hope to challenge and change some of the stereotypes and bring others with us as part of a movement to end youth homelessness for good. This podcast was recorded on Zoom due to the Coronavirus pandemic. Welcome to point made the new Centerpointe podcast by young people for all people. I'm Bethany, and I'm going to be your host today for this special podcast episode on young mothers. I'm just going to give myself a slight introduction. So I'm a young mother, my son is four. I'm currently in university, I'm in my second year, and I study social policy. My biggest interest is young people, but especially young mothers, and I'm really passionate about advocating for young mothers so that we can kind of get a lot of rights, especially in education. And I just want to kind of just talk about some of the misconceptions about young mothers and parenthood for young people. And we've got some special ladies here with me today. We were going to talk about their experiences and their views. And we're just going to just have a good discussion about this. And hopefully we can all learn something from each other. So we first got on the panel Jade she's young mom from Croydon, she is an exceptional young man from Korea. And I should say she was also a young conservative who campaigned in Croydon. And um, so yeah, Jay, do you want to introduce yourself? Hello, welcome to everybody who's listening today. My name is Jade. I'm actually a young parent I had my first son when I was 15. I'm actually a single parent have been to my son who is now seven. As Bethany said, I stood in Croydon as a counsellor candidate, because I'm a firm believer in creating change. And I'm really privileged to be on this call today. Because finally we're talking about the real issues that face young parents. And we're coming together to help and support other young parents to have that boldness and confidence to help other young parents. Thank you, James for that. And I would also like the rest of our panel to introduce themselves. Hi Zinnia. I'm a parent. My daughter got adopted, sadly. I was 16 when I fell pregnant, and she ended up getting adopted, I had a lot of negativity, no one support and so I had to make the decision on my own. And my daughter was 10 in October. So it has been a long time since that happened. And being able to come on here and get the chance to talk about it means a lot for me because I want to be able to help and support young parents that are going through a similar situation than what I did. Hi, I'm Emma Werth in one of Centerpointe young parents projects. I've worked here for nearly two years as a support housing officer. And I'm also with one of my amazing clients, Charlie. Hi, I'm Charlie. I'm one of the residents in the service. Amanda, the little girl she's called Everlane. She has just gone nine one. And that was seven, eight year old single parent. My name is Shanti. I'm a mother of two girls, their one year old, a three year old. I was in St equate for two years, well, just under two years, and I had to make some tough decisions in life. So I've kind of moved out of there. And basically just trying to do the best I can for my girls. Thank you. And I'm Jade we have to Jade's on the call today. So I hope no one gets confused. But this is the other Jade without the why. So could you introduce yourself please? Thanks, Bethany. My name is Jade. I'm also a mom of two children. I've got a boy and a girl. I had my first son when I was 21 At the time, I fell pregnant when I was living in wellness centre points, partners supported accommodation. And I just started unit University. Just after I found out I was pregnant. So yeah, I had some big, big choices to make around what I was going to do and where I was going to live. And yeah, here we are now. Thank you all for introducing ourselves. I really appreciate all of you being here. So we're going to just basically, I guess, start off with a couple of topics. And I guys just want you to just throw out your thoughts about this first topic, which is accessibility to services. So this can be housing this can be I don't know, the benefit system. I know, we've got some views, but I really want to hear from you guys. So does anyone want to put their hand up and speak about what they think about accessibility to services? Okay, so we've got Jade, I thought I would just put my two pence in, because I think this is something I'm extremely passionate about, especially having my son so young, having him at 15, you can only imagine that the first point of contact that I had was with social services, because it was sort of like a thing where there was concerns that a 15 year old was having a child. But there wasn't that support of early help, or, you know, my mental state of how am I feeling or even at school, it was kind of like, they wanted me to leave mainstream school and still have go to like a centre, wherever your parents were not to say that there's anything wrong with that. But there was just no support for me. And what I wanted to say there's a big concern, I remember when my mom had kicked me out of the house. And even with the social worker, there was no options or there was no advice. So there was no like legal documents that supported or kind of advise me on what I couldn't, I couldn't do. I guess, as I've grown up, especially with things like benefits, I didn't even know what tax credits was, the only thing that I actually knew about was the grant that you get things like a 500 pound grant when you have your first child. And that's because the midwife kind of said it in passing like, oh, have you applied for the grant. And I was like, what grant and then I went home and researched it. So I think it's really important that we have any parent but especially young parents, because we're not always in a position where we have a supportive network, or we may not have or even if we do, we need to know what's out there. Because it's not about us. It's about our children getting the right support and the right advice. I don't know if anyone else has experienced the same as me, but I lacked that support and knowledge. And Google was my advice. My best friend, which now I can obviously advise others on what there is out there. Thank you, Jade for that. Yeah. So that was a lot more knowledge. And yeah. And if we don't know it, we're gonna miss out on all that accessibility to services. So Zinnia, would you like to come in and say, what you think about accessibility to services? I think that young people should be told about the options more. When I was pregnant at 16, social services kept the whole young mom unit for me. So if I knew about that, I would have chose that. And I would have still had my daughter of today. But because they kept that from me, things went the opposite way. And I ended up losing my daughter because they didn't tell me the full thing. And it was hard because like, as Oh, they also didn't tell me about the grant. And when I did find out about it, I was turned down from it because of his being in foster care. So it was a very hard situation. And I had literally no one helping or support me. And I feel like there should be more out there to help young people as a permanent. Thank you. Zinnia. Yeah, that that situation is very similar to mine. I'm also a Kelly ball. And again, without having that knowledge, I didn't know about that grant. And when I did find out, I ended up losing out on it because it was just too late. So again, that is a massive issue that we're seeing and yeah, it seems like we're all experiencing the same thing. So Jade, could you come in and talk about what you think about this topic? Yeah, sure. And I was a little bit older, but I'd lost both of my parents by the time I was 17. So by the time I got pregnant with my son even though I was in supported accommodation, it it was kind of this thing of well, you need to move on because you're pregnant. And I was going to uni and then when I got to uni it was like you need to move on because you're pregnant and we can't have you in in university halls either. I actually lived in uni halls and yeah, like, the only reason why I knew it And like you guys have said about the grant and things like that is because the midwife did mentioned it to me in passing. And I think that to that time, like I was a, I was going to be a young mom with, like, I had a lot of difficulty with my mental health and substance misuse. And I kind of just milled along and didn't actually get somewhere to live until I was like seven months pregnant. So yeah, I think not having parents or a kind of parents figure and being pregnant, and then trying to find somewhere to live. And trying to find out what you've, what you're entitled to, and what you've what you can access, it was a really overwhelming time. So I can't imagine what that must have been like to be even younger and experienced that. Because it really it really felt difficult for me. Thank you, Jade. So does anyone want to comment, again, on this topic before we move on to the next topic, which is education, as big, so in terms of accessibility, for me, I think I kind of got lucky in the way I in the way I've I found an appointment, or I've got sent away. And then I had that support. Because for me, I was living with my mom and my four brothers and my daughter. And she was she was young, and from from the point where she was born. And even before she was born, I obviously tried to apply for housing, and it kind of just didn't go anywhere. So I had to put in that that application thing where you say, they have to get back to you within eight weeks or something like that. Yeah, I can't do that, to sit to say, they'll get back with me eight weeks. And when I did go to the appointment, I was lucky in the way that someone who I used to go to church with when I was a child, she was there. And she's the one that recommended that the person dealing with me put me in what when what was called intergenerational scheme, which is we've set an appointment. So hadn't been for her, I probably would have stayed at home for much longer. Because obviously, they didn't want to offer me that. It's only because she was told to in terms of access, in terms of accessibility. It's not that easy. And in terms of stuff like benefits and other stuff, I think, I think up to now, I'm still not getting the full potential of what I could have and why should have. And it's because they make the application process for some stuff harder. For example, I've noticed they're changing now. But for example, like the like Healthy Start vouchers, stuff like that, you had to get a stamp from a midwife. But then I couldn't go see a midwife because I didn't have appointment and stuff like that I have to go to the GPS after travel to get the stamp. So don't make it easily accessible. Whereas you can just apply online, but now they've changed it. So you can do it online. But up to now, I'm still not getting that I still haven't applied for that, which I probably should. But you know, they, they don't make it easy for young people to do stuff like that. Yeah, that's really true. And I guess COVID has really shown how much actually they can make easy, but they just chose not to because it's not impossible, they could have done it. And yeah, so I agree with that. Do you guys feel like possibly because I guess the time when we all kind of fell pregnant and had our kids? It seems like information was just not free flowing? Like this is something that we had to go and investigate and go look for? Do you feel like this information should be taught to us in schools, about parenthood, and about maybe not necessarily saying it has to be young parenthood, but Parenthood in general? And what we should do for that in the future? So I'm gonna go to Jade with a Y. And could you tell me what you think about that? I think most definitely 110%. When we look at schools, we look at our education, or educational institutions, they are there to teach us what life means and what the aspects of life are about. And young parenthood is a part of that. It's not advocating for it. And it's not saying it's right or wrong. But it's making students aware of the consequences, the implications, the advantages and the disadvantages. If you choose to have a baby young, part of the work that I do is going into schools and educating students on what parenthood looks like as a young parent. And when you go into a school, you meet a young person and I have met young ladies that turn around and say I want to have a baby young and by the time I'm finished regarding being homeless, not having money, not knowing what to do. They turn around and say I'm gonna Wait. And then you do have some young people that say, Now I know what I'm getting myself into. Obviously for me, I wouldn't change having my children for the world. The blessing as they say in does that in disguise. But we need to educate young people and young people need to be educated on the realities of what life will be like if they choose to have a baby young. And that goes to, for everything, your credit rating or mortgages, your finances, we can't. I think one of my biggest concerns and what kind of made me kind of upset now is turning 20 or 21. And not ever knowing what credit is, or not even knowing how I'm going to buy a house. Why wasn't I taught this in school. Maths is important. English is important. But life skills is what's going to get me through life not knowing what a fraction is, because I've never used it since I've left school. So I think it's very important that we teach students. I know it's hard for teachers right now, because they're stretched because of COVID. But organisations and charities like centerpoint, like other charities that focus their attention on young people and communities should be allowed to do that work. So I think it's very important. Yeah. Thank you, Jade. Yeah, it. I guess that's the beauty of what you do. It's just about giving that information so that you can make a rational decision. I think Jade's charity needs a massive promotion. We need to get her into more schools, because I guess this is what we need. Could we go to the other Jade? And could you tell me about this topic and what you think about it, I'm a massive advocate of for edit, like education, and all of the things that judge just said, like, I've done a lot of PSHE work in schools around youth homelessness and domestic abuse and, and other like, important life issues. And like, in my current job, now, I'm going into do PSHE on a different topic. And some schools have actually caught PSHE out of the curriculum to catch students up and like English and like maths and science. And it scares me a little bit. Because I think about when I was pregnant, and I had my son, my experiences of how I had been parented, and the only things, I had to go off on how to be a parent to my own son, and knew I didn't want to bring my child up, how I'd been brought up and out and him to have the experiences that I'd had, but I didn't know how to do that, like, I didn't know, like, like, when he was born, there was so much going on, it was really difficult to bond with him. I didn't know about any of these things. And I kind of bumbled along, like just try not to be what happened to me, I guess, is what I'm trying to say. So yeah, I really do believe that. If I was shown in school, even things about like emotional regulation, or how to speak to like, like how to just be a mom, like, I didn't know how to read, you expect it to just not we don't get a book for that stuff. Yeah, it's, it's tough without knowing what to do. Yeah, definitely. And I, I just want to kind of bring it back. So you know, the title of this podcast, like it's, you know, your own mom, and you're not going to achieve anything, and it kind of goes down to the education system, you know, like, that's where it all stems from, if we are not taught how to effectively incorporate parenthood, with other aspects of our lives, then what will happen is, is that we won't achieve anything. So it's, it's all about the services and the things that are around us to help us to kind of bring all of that together to actually be able to achieve something. So thank you, Jane. And could we go to Shantae, please? Okay, um, yeah, so on the topic of education, I completely agree with David and Jade, in what they're saying. Because how I see it, and how what I've seen like, when you're in school, you're taught how to prevent pregnancy. You're taught how to even get rid of a pregnancy, but they don't teach you what to do if you are pregnant. They don't cover all aspects of it. Just because they don't want you to become a young parent. Doesn't mean they shouldn't teach you about what happens if you become a young parent. I think that's where the system educational system fails a lot of young people because they'd rather teach them not say it's not important, but they'd rather teach them history about the wars that happened, but they don't teach them about you know, what's to happen in the future. The only the only they like to talk about power. So yeah, you know, that they'll say, they even teach you about how you can help how So you know how you can how you get pregnant, but you don't teach you what to do after that after that point. They don't teach you. They don't teach women. You know, the point of pregnancy is only when you're pregnant, you might Google. What like how the stages of your baby or what effects it might have on your body and stuff like that. But it's only when you're pregnant. That's when you learn that part. I think if they put them in schools, it would help a lot. Because teenagers or young adults will know what they're getting into, before they get into it. And I think if they did, I don't know, it would just help you help a lot. Yeah, thank you. Shantay. I, again, really agree with that. And I think it's just one of those things where it's like, it's not even about teaching about being a young parent. It's about teaching how to be a parent in general, because most people will become a parent, and most people experienced this. So it's important to know how to engage with this aspect of life and again, to incorporate it with other parts of our life. Okay, so can we go over to Zinio, I agree with what everyone said. And I also feel like, what we should get taught in school as well, is how to identify postnatal depression because a lot of young people who have babies end up getting depression, and they don't know the signs of it, and half the time not aware that they've got it. So I feel like if you get taught that in school, you'll be able to pick up on it a lot quicker and get help sooner. Yeah, that is very true. I can I can also share that. myself. I've experienced postnatal depression, and only now I knew that I had it. And I didn't know at the time, but I had it. And it's just something that I realised now, because I was always just bubbly and happy, but certain things. And when I look back now, I can see that I had that. So could we also go over to Mr. or Charlie, to speak on this topic? I know Charlie wanted to say something after me. But I mean, I'm just thinking like for me, because I mean, I had my daughter when I was 28. And I mean, there was nothing in school about anything like that. I mean, you know, I think kind of got the basics in school, it was more like, you know, like, sex education, talks, periods. And that was it. We got we got absolutely nothing. So I mean, when I had my daughter, it was a massive shock. I mean, I was lucky because I lived at home and I had my mama support court. I don't know where I would have been to be honest, if I didn't help them. Yeah, well, I mean, when I fell pregnant, I was 17. I just started college, and did sort of really support and is and try and help us throughout the beauty bit just asked if I wanted to leave college until Emily was a few years old and could go into nursery. So I think yeah, definitely needs to be told. And then it'd be more support out there for people who do fall pregnant, and maybe school or college, because there really isn't much of work for them. And I feel like if I didn't have the support of the staff in here, or the support of my family, I wouldn't really have had anyone. Thank you guys for sharing that. I also just want to know that we've kind of said that and education system is not helpful. What things do we think come from put in place, because in my own experience, I fell pregnant when I was two, my GCSEs. And there was two sides of it. There was one side that I say okay, it was kind of bad, like similar situation with Jade, I was kind of told that maybe I should leave my school and go to a centre. But then there was another side, which was helpful, because it did allow me to stay in my school. And when I was doing exams, I was able to take breaks, which obviously accommodated my pregnancy. So we can kind of say things that I guess what schools should do, but in terms of actual practical things, not just like in theory. So what do you guys think? I was just gonna mention about what it was like, what because you've just touched on something there about. Most moms don't want to be on benefits, they want to be working, they want an education. And when I was when I started university, like that was a conversation that saw the baby's father at the time it said, there's no chance she'll go to uni and have a baby in my opinion. My mom was very much the sense of what are you going to do? Like, what about your education? And I really wanted so badly to be at uni and and to do that, like, it wasn't it wasn't a thing. Like Like you said, I think people have this conception that you want to sit at home and I didn't like it. There was a fight and JMeter want to carry that on and I was it wasn't made easy like I was at Union. I left in the December I had my son in March and I had to complete a full year's worth of work in 10 weeks. Otherwise I would have had to defer a year and I don't know what it's been like for you guys, but I knew that if I would have stopped OPT. And I would have stayed at home with my son that I wouldn't have gone back. It was like, Well, I had the site in me I had to do it then. And I don't know how it can be made better for me, particularly because like I said, I was at uni. But what I did have was somebody like support services at the unit that would help me sit down and organise like my, get me organised, basically. So yeah, I just wanted to put like, point that out that that conception of your mom's not wanting to do anything with the life is totally wrong. It really is so wrong. And it's I don't think I think people realise how difficult it is to carry on wanting to do that and fight to do it, because it's not made easy. Yeah, exactly. And I guess, I don't know, again, in my circumstances, I agree, I had to continue, I did take a year out. But I had to keep on going, I finished my GCSEs I took a year out and then I went back to sixth form. And it doesn't have any child doesn't define how well your brain works. And I think that's one thing that we can all like advocate for is that we are all still capable, the things that we want to accomplish is just that we need the right support, and the right access to certain things that are gonna allow us to achieve what we want to achieve. Could we go over to the other Jade and see what she has to say about this, even for me, I had my son at 15. I was in Year 10. And I was told, like I've mentioned before, till kind of leave mainstream school, and they was going to put me into like a school for young parents, and you only did two GCSEs, I left school of 11. So imagine if I had left I would not have got my GCSEs I went to college, and I'm now in University, studying law of international relations. So that just goes to show and all of us are a testament to just because you've had a baby, that doesn't mean our brain stops. So it's I think somebody mentioned we want to progress. And even if you don't finish education, I think it's Shanti, which was on the call, please forgive me. That's not how you pronounce her name. But she's an entrepreneur. So even if young parents don't finish education, they're creatives, they they start businesses, they progress in a way that a lot of people think they can't. So I just think if there is any young parent that is listening today, I would say just don't even listen to the focus of other people. Because you know, what you want to do, you know that you can progress and everyone on this call has proven that we can I just wish that schools and institutions and those around and organisations pick up on that. And those who aren't supporting, go for it. But those who have that stereotype, that old stereotype that young parents can't get rid of it, because we actually can. So I just wanted to kind of add that as well. Thank you, Jade for that. Yeah, I think it's just about it is always about like, you know, motivation, and again, support. So as you've kind of spoken about what Shanti said, Shanti, would you want to come back on that and kind of see what you have to say about this is basically the way I see it. I think that people have in their head, obviously the same title of what the podcast is, once you're a young parent, you can't do anything. But I think that they're completely wrong. I think it's complete opposite. Because I think once you are a parent, you're more determined to make something of your life, you're more determined to finish that course, you're more determined to, I don't know, have a job, you know, do something for yourself, for your child, when you're motivated to do something you always find time. For me, obviously, I'm aiming to have my own businesses. So I do multiple things. I've taken multiple courses, I do multiple craft things. I got to work practically every day to obviously support my family. And it's not easy, but I'm more of a stick for them. And people who don't have anything they're motivated about, otherwise less likely to do it. Not us not not not not as parents, thank you Shantae. Again, another very, like emotional thing. And I don't know, I just feel like at this point, it's one of those things where it's like, for me, before I had prints he I was not doing anything productive at all. I didn't do my work. And it was as soon as I had him everything clicked and I was like, Oh no, I need to get some GCSE is because like, I'm about to have a kid so I can't just go out with my friends every day and like not do anything and in the end actually ended up performing better than out of all of my friends. And it was just one of those things was not even in that way, but kind of more of an inspirational way. You know, like if you actually put your head down, you actually perform really well. Could we go over to xinyuan Could you tell me what you think? about this topic, I think when you're at college or school and you're pregnant, you should have the choice to decide if you want to continue or not like I felt pregnant when I was in college, and I was near the end of my course, and social services pulled me out. So I didn't get my qualifications for my course, to put me in a one week sexual health course, was heavily pregnant, and then decided to put me into a young moms college cos to finish was I was still pregnant, and became a mom. And as I was like, Well, I want to stay at college, I want to finish it. I'm nearly done. I want my qualification. But I had no say in the matter, because social services just wanted us to do these other things, because it was what they wanted. And I just, I wanted my education and I was refused it, because I became pregnant. And I think that's very wrong. So because of that experience, I have managed to get a job and finished my apprenticeship. I'm now a volunteer at the adoption place where I speak to first time adopters, once every two months to talk to them about my experience and how important it is to receive letters. I volunteer for centre point, setting up a project called centre pin. And I literally do everything I can to help young people, whether they're young parents, or not to make sure that they know there's support out there. And they know this someone that's gone through it and has managed to change their lives, and that they can do it as well. So I literally do everything I can to help others. Thank you Xena for sharing that experience, I think, yeah, we're not aliens, we're not, you know, we actually are humans, and we deserve to be treated the same like everyone else and have that choice. I think choice is very important thing. And I feel like sometimes when you become like a parent, you feel like you're limited. No matter your age, I think you feel like you're limited on choice. And there's a lot of sacrifice, but it's really important that the sacrifices are still kind of part of our choice, rather than just being implemented on us. So could we go over to Mr. And, Charlie, and could you tell us about what you think on this topic? And yeah, I mean, I'm just listening to sort of what everyone CNN do, you know, like, it's totally relatable. I mean, when I had my daughter, I was on benefits at the time. And, you know, like, I knew that I wanted something better for us. Like, I wanted to go to uni, I wanted to work. And I mean, like, I remember go on the job centre appointment and seeing like, I wanted to go to college, and I wanted to go to uni, and they couldn't believe it. They were just absolutely gobsmacked at the thought of me going to uni and going to college. And that's always stuck in my head about him. She just couldn't believe it. And I mean, like, I think as well, like, it's sort of nice to prove people wrong as well, that, you know, like, you can do it. Just because you've got children, doesn't mean you can't. Oh, yeah, exactly. Exactly. I definitely agree on that. And I don't know about any of you guys. But right now my biggest struggle isn't actually my parenthood. Right. And I think it's other issues could be related to parenthood, but I guess mental health and motivation and just kind of organising yourself to be a bit of you. We've all kind of spoken about, again, like situations, but we haven't really spoken about housing. And I think this is a very big one. Because although I'm in my own independent house, now, housing was the biggest issue for me when I had my son at first and it was one of those things where, you know, with social services involved, and you know, not having enough housing for young parents, because if you're kellyboat, they kind of only have one bedroom properties. So you're waiting even longer, even though you kind of need it more because you're you have one room with a child. And I don't know if anyone else wants to come in on this but yeah, it's it's something that is really difficult. And, Jay, I saw your hand that you could you tell me what you think about this? Yeah, Bethany like I echo what you said about how difficult it was. So when I went to start bidding for properties, I was told that because I hadn't had my child yet. I was only eligible for a one bedroom house and I'm just so grateful that somebody in housing saw me in sin the the difficult situation I was in and actually said to me like I shouldn't be doing this, but I'm gonna give you the house before you actually every child And another thing that was tricky for me or not was, I was actually supposed to be a caregiver but never actually got looked after status. So when my mom did die, there was like three or four months before I turned 18. So a lot of the leaving care support that I should have got, I didn't. So I was kind of in it like, on my own. I'm just so grateful, really, that somebody saw me and said that and saw how badly I needed that accommodation and give it me because otherwise, I would have only been eligible for a one bedroom house to um, so yeah, I guess, in that respect, I feel really, really blessed. Thank you, Joe, for sharing that I like to kind of hear these little stories like that, because I think we can all kind of relate to maybe a time when, you know, someone gave you a chance, because this isn't all just negative, you know, like, even in my own situation, there's been plenty of times, especially at school, you know, a teacher has just given me a little bit of that extra boost, because they know that it's not just me, it's not just my life, this is going to affect this is going to affect another human beings life. And you know, sometimes you kind of need that encouragement. So I would like to kind of also hear so along with housing, maybe a time when somebody kind of gave you that extra chance, even though they know that, you know, this is, you know, people always say this, you know, this is a situation that we chose, and we kind of brought on ourselves. So, could we go over to Zinio. Could you tell me about this topic? Yeah. So when I found out I was pregnant, I went to gen two and applied for a house. And when social services found this out, they got in touch with gentleman told them to refuses, and I had to stay with my social foster carers. And I kept telling social services, I don't want to stay there, there's a house full of seven people plus like, three pets, so there's no room for me to raise a child I want, like I really need my own place. And this was their chance to tell me about young mum accomodation. And they just kept refusing, saying you have to stay here. You can't be in your own place, you won't be able to look after it. And I'm like, well, user there to be in my own property and how to pay the bills and stuff like that. I'm like, What's the point of having a float and support work if you're not going to do your job. So they had the opportunity to put me in a mother and baby unit and they completely decided not to tell me about it. And so I ended up staying, being forced to stay with my foster carers. Thank you, Sunil for that. And I think, you know, I definitely don't think your story is over. I think one day, you could be reunited with your daughter again, or something amazing is going to happen because these stories, they never end like this. So just keep that hope inside and just hope that something changes. So could we go over to Shantae? Could you tell me what you think about this topic? I think for me, as I said earlier in this housing wise, I was lucky in getting my first place. And that was a centre point. And I had support workers and they helped with so so much like I'm grateful for Senator point I'm grateful for they had they bought a used to bring us food every week that I had support, I could always go downstairs and talk even ahead. It doesn't have to be anything serious. I want to talk about but it's nice to have someone to chat to and all that. But from 2002 1016. So it was 1090 but 2016 I was actually on the Housing Register from them. And even up until having my Doula bidding, bidding, bidding, and I never got anywhere that I think that anyway, after having my Doula, they they changed up and I'm sure they changed my band. But I still wasn't a priority. Because they still said even though my band has changed, I'm still not likely to get anywhere. So obviously I was in a centre point accommodation with some other young moms and their kids. And yeah, the time that I was there it was, it was lovely. Like I had a play room and all day it was it was very nice doing this. But yeah, the whole time that I was there, I was still trying to bid on a, you know, actual counter property. Even pregnant with my second daughter, while I was still there, trying to bid never got anywhere when she was born to bid and I still never got anywhere. But I think the way it is housing is and like in terms of support wise, being in a council place is hard because I was in a one bedroom flat. And as I said there was nice place, but because it was counsel, I couldn't I could have obviously I did have people over but it was hard to have people stay you know, so even though my children's father wanted to be there with me every day. He couldn't. And that's because of the council. So they're not giving me the support I need. And there is support that is coming to me. But I can't get that same support because of the council's blocking. I think that's what what everyone kind of faces. And it's kind of it's kind of hard, because say, he wanted to be there with me every day. He wanted to be there, I don't know, to stay on their birthday, or whatever it was, he couldn't do that. He ended up coming at seven o'clock in the morning and leaving at 10 o'clock at night. And same thing every day, every day. So I think the council can, I don't know, find a little leeway when it comes to that sort of stuff. Because they Yeah, they really make things difficult in that way. Now I've moved out of accounts property, I'm in a private property, not in a one bedroom flat anymore. I've got a nice three bedroom house, huge garden. So now I'm where I wanted wanted to be. But being for them, almost two years that was in the council property. It was hard because I couldn't have the support even though it was there. I couldn't have that person. That makes sense. Thank you, Sanjay, for sharing that. Yeah, I think that's one of the biggest issues with mom and baby housing or housing for us is that it's very isolating. And I think the way it's set up is is very like paternalistic, they kind of see us as irresponsible. So they don't give us a lot of leeway around certain rules. And I think sometimes that makes it worse, because especially if you're going through something, I mean, when I first had my son, I was in a mom and baby foster placement. So at least I could have people around me. But when I went to a mother and baby unit out, I saw people with younger children. And I was like I couldn't imagine giving birth and having to be alone and couldn't have someone like, at least stay in the night with me because sometimes you just need to sleep and a very simple thing. But you can't get that because you're in this one baby place. And you can't have anyone stay over. So I fully understand that. And I think a lot of other moms on stand up as well. So I think that's a difficulty. And it's just something that is hard to solve. Because I guess it's just that's just the rules. But yeah, could we go over to Mr. Charlie? And could you tell me about what you think about this topic? Yeah, well, I'm currently in the process, a non profit, even yourself. And I've been viewing some and really not a standard of being able to live in I mean, some of them are absolutely disgraceful. And there's a bit of a issue with them in a way I can't really move into certain areas due to issues with my daughter's dad. And they're not really supporting us around whatever needs to be mom, because that's sort of in a similar area. And obviously, I need a small support network with my family. But the really just don't care. Don't you don't care about support? Yeah, at all with that issue. And I think the properties need to be in a lot, like not a lot, but a standard where it's actually acceptable for a mother and a baby to move in. Because some of them really, really aren't. I think for me, I actually moved seven times I went from Croydon to strip to shepherds, Bush. I then went all the way to the other side of Camden. And then I moved back to Croydon, and then he put me in a one bed in Croydon. And then when I had my second son, James, who is three, I remember he was about one, and I called them up and as I go, will I ever get a two bedroom and they said to me, no, until my son was 10. So he was five at the time. They said it was a five year waiting time. So I had a bed, my bed, a double bed, I had my son's bed Cavani he was about five at a time. And then I had a cough, and chest a jaw. So you can imagine, there was no room to move. So it got to a point where I was working three jobs, I managed to kind of find like a local community group in my area who helped me raise a deposit, which was about 3000 pounds to go into a privately rented home. And you can imagine that that's scary, right? Because I'm now paying rent, which is in the 1000s I have to work assume it's gonna be hard to kind of help cover that. Because Universal Credit is just not a win win with them. So for me, match child or Cavani, who is seven now was only stable until I think I stay we got the private accommodation when he was about six, five and a half, six. So for six years of my son's life, we've been around London, and I can't blame the council, because you know what? They're stretched for housing. But where was that support? During that time? I still had to study. I still had to work. I still had to have a sane mind. And if I didn't the first thing that would be on my phone is social services questioning why I'm not doing this right. Why am I not doing that? Right? And I guess that's what kind of pushed me into politics and why I stood as a counsellor. My area, because I was frustrated with how the council treated me. And, yes, I decided to have a baby. But that doesn't mean that you should treat me in that way. Or people should be treated in a way where they're not in appropriate housing where they're not getting the appropriate support, because that's why you're employed, you're employed to support you employed to bridge the gap between a young parent having a child young and being in a mentor, bad mental state, and helping them progress in helping them prosper and helping their child prosper. And I just didn't have that. And I think that's why I'm kind of passionate about politics so much, because where is the support, very frustrating journey for me of my housing, but I now I'm in a stable home, which is private, which is extremely expensive. But I guess that's the risk that I had to take to have stability for me and my children. Luckily, James, which is my younger son, he's three now he's able to live in a home, have his room and be happy. Whereas it took Cavani, six years to just have something that he could call home and not an emergency or temporary accommodation, which we had to experience. Thank you for that Jade. And, um, we've kind of alluded to this already. But, you know, what does youth homelessness actually mean for young parents, because I can actually say that I've been homeless, like not necessarily the same maybe as other people, because I've actually been homeless with my son. And that was something that really disrupted a lot of things in my life, and especially in my education, because I was in the first year of sixth form. And what happened in the situation was, was just like, you know, I didn't have a place to stay. So I had to stay at my friend's house. And when I was going to the care lever service to say, I need somewhere to stay, they turned me away, because they said it's Christmas time. And there's no one around. And I just think that's just really disgusting. Because they will be the first people to kind of turn around. And if you do anything risky with your child to kind of say, oh, like, you know, what are you doing? I guess some of the lack of support and lack of services can sometimes, you know, push us to dangerous situations, and it kind of backfires on us. But I guess the last thing for you guys to kind of comment on is, you know, what does youth homelessness mean, for young parents, I just think it starts with not enabling a young person to reach their potential and prosper is not just about not having a home is about not having a stable environment for that child to live in. And I think that's what I would class's youth homelessness, not having a stable home and not having the agencies that that person needs, wherever their social care, whether that's mental health, whether that's the NHS, whether that's education, everything that enables that person to have a stable mind. And a stable place to stay contributes because I was in emergency accommodation. Technically, I'm not homeless, because I have a home, I have a bed to sleep in. But my mental state and how I was feeling feeling low and feeling alone and feeling depressed, I'm homeless, because I don't have stability. And I don't have somewhere to call home, I would leave school and I don't even want to go back to this emergency hostel. I would fall asleep on the street, I wouldn't because it's cold, and I'm with my son. But I don't feel happy going back there. So homelessness is a multiple of things, not just a bed to sleep in. I just wanted to echo what Jade said. And like, she hit the nail on the head when she said about it goes back to education, again of what youth homelessness is. But again, I had somewhere to stay. I had somewhere to stay. I was in uni halls, I was in supported accommodation. But did I have somewhere stable to call home? What whilst being in that process of being pregnant? No. Everything was very up in the air. And I think understanding the needs of young moms is so important. I don't think it's disgusting us about what our home circumstances look like at the time we do get pregnant. And I feel like that's been across the board with all of us today. And again, like how do you how do you know if actually known? Do you know if you if you know that if you don't know any different of what a sterile environment looks like and what you want it to be like then how do you know that you should get that as well? I guess Yeah, I guess it just has everything in together of youth homelessness for your moms. We're up against enough. And things should be made. Easy, easy for us to be able to be supported to bring a beautiful child into this world without kind of stuffing all these expectations on us and not giving us the help that we need. So, yeah, just I just think it's remarkable like everybody even on on this call today like, how amazing we've done as, as parents, I just think it's great. I didn't experience like homelessness when I had my daughter. But I did experience like, I had a home. But it was more like a prison. Because I had my daughter had social services watching my every move I had my foster care was watching my every move at a houseful, like everything I was doing. I was getting told off, you can't do this. That's wrong, you can't do that. It's wrong. Why are you doing this, and I'll do what they're telling us to do. And then they use that against us. So I felt like I didn't have like, a stable environment to raise my daughter, because it was just so miserable in that place. And no, I was getting no help. Even though I was surrounded by loads of people, everyone was against us, like, not a single person wanted to support us. So after like three months of that, I ended up deciding to put my daughter for adoption, because I just didn't want to bring her up in this life full of social workers and seeing how miserable it was here, I wanted her to have a better life a better chance. So that's what made us do that decision. But I also feel like when you're in the foster care, and you are young mom, just because you have a home doesn't mean it is a healthy environment. Well, everyone needs to hear what what kind of people need to hear what other young parents need to hear, what parents to be need to hear is that, obviously, being homeless is hard. And even if you have so much they been not comfortable in that place, it's hard. But we kind of have to remember, I'm kind of to see that we're not going to break this cycle, without support on our ends. Because if we're going through this, and our kids are also going through it. So they're gonna grow up feeling what we're feeling, whether they're small with like what Jade said it was until her until her son was six years old, before he was in a stable environment. Even though he's young, obviously, he feels everything. So what counts people need to him whatever it is, please help us to, because our children are the future. When time goes on, it's going to be these kids that are making the rules based on them. When the elders, you know, they need to kind of help help us to help them. And if you're a young parent, you need to just keep going, because I believe I believe it can get better. I don't know stuff like the stuff that is podcast, getting our voice out there. I think it can get back and help. It's just making the right people. Harriet, thank you for that. Shantay could we go over to Mr. Charlie to hear what they have to say about this? I think for me, like obviously begin a worker Seguin, obviously, our client groups are coming in, some need a lot of support. So maybe not as much, you know, some don't have families, some do, you know, like, we get a lot of mixing. I mean, we try and provide whatever support we can possible, you know, I mean, that can be a range of different things. It could be you know, like managing tenancies because some of them come across, you know, and they've never had a tenancy before, and it was all new to them. And finances you know, like claiming benefits claiming the right benefit maximising that income for them, you know, they've got enough money to live on enough money to provide getting an employment educational training, we're quite lucky, you know, we've got a really good sort of provider that we can send our girls to, for education and the kind of have childcare run alongside that as well. So you know, that's really helpful to pay for them. Obviously, we do, you know, we have to do a referral, a lot of referrals to other organisations and agencies, just so they can get like support around like mental health, maybe psych drugs and alcohol. And I do think we provide a lot of emotional support. We are here for them. And, you know, the do, some of them do come across first with issues that they have with social worker involvement. And, you know, and like some of them don't understand the terminology that social workers use or, you know, like about providing all of that support, like in one. Charlie is a classic example. You know, I mean, she's got herself in education, you know, Just a provider I was speaking about earlier on, you know, I don't pretend to the nursery there. She has, she has done so well. And she'll be really proud of herself. And, you know, like, a lot of our moms are like that. And it is something to be very proud of being able to see them move on, you know, and moving on independent accommodation, you know, that there's to keep. And, I mean, obviously, we do provide like six weeks support and support as well, just to make sure they've got everything set up at the NATO. Charlie is definitely one of them people who's just absolutely amazing. Um, yeah, well, I mean, I didn't know anything really want to like you know, anything about claiming benefits or anything at all, and especially like, ever, you wanted to get yourselves back in education often had Everly great health and helping us with that especially. And things like move around as well. And there's been a great help with that. And we'll move on come in a few properties with his help and see what's out there to help furnish the property and the funding that's available for things to renew property. So yeah, it's been a massive support. And also just if you need something you can even if it's just for like little chat, you can always pop over and get the support. Thank you guys for sharing that. I think it's so amazing, the work that Centerpointe do, even in my own experience, I thought I knew everything, I thought I was a big woman. But actually, when I got there and actually started receiving the help, I really saw myself flourish. And I learned so much. So Centerpoint does a really good job in helping young parents. And I think it needs to be promoted more, I think people don't know that Centrepointe actually helped young parents, but even if they don't know they're doing a really good job in supporting them. So we're coming to the end of the podcast now. And I want everyone to kind of speak on what kind of parent they think that they want to be. And kind of the strengths that they have as a parent, and what it means to be a parent and what type of parent you want to be in the future. Should I go first, I can go first I can talk about Okay, so the type of parent that I want to be in the future, I don't want to have any more children. So that's the thing that I wanted to say. But I do want to be a mother to as many children as I want. And in that sense, I just want to be there for a lot of young people, I don't know, maybe I don't know when they adopt, because coming from the care system, kind of seeing like what that system kind of entails, it would be nice to kind of give that chance to another young person or child because I had that experience myself. And we can relate. And yeah, I guess the strength of me being a parent is definitely in something that I want to go into in the future is having that experience and that first hand experience. And then I'll be going into policy and helping policy changes for young parents, and I am that myself. So I think that's really important. Could we go to Zinnia, let's talk about this. So losing my daughter, I didn't fall into depression and stuff like that. But it made us open my eyes and realise that I really needed to get my act together and do something of my life. Because when she does come and find me, I want her to be proud of us and not ashamed of us. So I went and got myself apprenticeship and when helpern sent a point and I'm doing all this, and even I'm doing all this, I get yearly letters telling us how my daughter was doing. And I chose the same sex couple of hours. So she is getting brought up by two mums. And they are doing a fantastic job of and I'm so proud of how she's doing. She's having a life that I couldn't provide for her. And it just makes us realise that the decision I made it was the hardest one I ever did. But it was for the best for my daughter. And now it's taken as well. But now I'm at the part of my life where I want to have a family me and my partner's talking about starting at the end of next year for a baby and have so much anxiety about it because of what happened with my daughter. But I want to be a mom and I want to be the best parent that I possibly can. Thank you as me Oh, that was really amazing. Could we go over to Shantae for me, obviously, like any parent trying to be the best parent I can be for my kids. Anytime I obviously I'm trying to work so they can have not necessarily opened a one because I'm going to support them but everything that they need in life, education wise, and my oldest daughter who's free from she was one she could tell Are you the alphabet, my one year old is potty training, I'm trying, obviously, I'm trying to be the best person, I can try and do all I can. Future wise, obviously, nobody can tell the future, nobody can say what's going to happen. But if any of my daughters end up in a position that I was in, or that any of us was in, where they have a child young, I want to make sure that I will be that parents to support them, because I know what it's like, and I know what other people go through. And I wouldn't want that for my child. I want them to be secure, feel safe, feel happy, and take that with them into their teenage years and into their adult life. So I can kind of break the cycle that we're in, I'm aiming to kind of make a difference with these two kids. Because growing up, I didn't have what I am to my children. But obviously, me growing up, it was different. I grew up in a household with three brothers, and my mom single by herself. So she didn't have the support. She had four kids by herself. Basically, she didn't have a she didn't have a life, basically. So yeah, I'm trying to break that cycle, make a difference? give my kids the good future. You know, I just want obviously the best. Thank you Shantay. For that, yeah, that's really amazing, although we're young, but we actually have some really mature and grown aspirations for our kids. And I think this is the whole point of this podcast is to basically promote those misconceptions. They just think all we want to do is give our kids sweets all day and let them do nothing like we actually have real goals for our kids. And that was just really amazing. Could we go over to Mr. And Charlie? Hi, well, yeah, I think what I remember for our kids and what we've heard, I mean, why Obregon was fine, but obviously, we all want better. And then we want our kids to give their kids but I mean, I really want to finish college, and then go to university. So I'm like, provide a better life for me. And then maybe in future, have more children, and a trainee want to give the best life possible and make more than that, I'll always be there. And I'll always try my hardest. Not everyone does have that everyone has a moment to stand by the side and support them. And obviously play the role of my mum and dad and be there for our for my wife, no matter how old she is, where she is, what she's doing and what he was doing, obviously, her own choice, and just support them for everything and what they want to do. Thank you, that was really nice. Could we go over to Jade without a why? This is not really the way I want to address you. But it's just my name now. Shared with a why that's gonna stick Bethany? It's such a big question, isn't it like the strands bit. I will always fight for what it is that I need for my kids. Always I watch my mom do that. And that is one of my strengths that I will always fight to get what they need, and the health for myself as well, like other people have shared, you know, I've been in therapy now for a bit. And I never want my kids to come home and question whether I love them or not, you know, or quit, like be scared to be at home. Or that's really important to me. And I guess with Mother's Day coming up as well. Like, it's a big reflective time for me. And what I want for my kids and from losing my mom, so young, and I don't know, I just want to be present at the weekend. Like I had two kids in the same week, who does that like two birthdays in the same week, and my son had like four, four of his friends stay over on Friday night. And I never got to go out to anyone else's house for tea, and no one got to come to mine. And you know, just seeing him happy and just being able to be a kid. And I just love what everyone else has said. But if I want to break that cycle generations or women in my family have had it really, really tough. And I hope for my daughter that when she's older, you know that she knows about the world, and she knows what it's like, but she can be secure in what she's got and help other other women that might not have had the stability that she that Harper can give to her. Because that's all I've ever wanted in my adult life is to be able to give back to other young people that, you know, I've had similar life experiences to me. Yeah, so getting emotional. Yeah, I'm really grateful for this podcast and, and just that ability to reflect on ginagawa. But as long as we get up each day, and we try our best for our kids, that's enough. You know, I think if you question if you're a good mom or not, you're a good mom. Like and that's just it. Like if you're asking the question, then you must be because you care. So yeah, that's that's what I want to be for my kids. So, this is a very, very emotional Podcast coming to the end. Yeah. Now I'm just I can't really speak that much. So, someone else host because I'm like, I can't even like yeah, this is just really hard because it's like, it's hard. But it's also rewarding. Like being a mom and doing the things that we want to do. So, you know, I hope even, there's gonna be some young moms that are gonna listen to this, and they're just gonna feel inspired to just do better or be better. And again, like JJ said, just like, just try your best because that's all I say to myself everyday, try your best, and then go to bed and just know that you tried your best. So last but not least, Jade, please tell us what you think about the future. For your two amazing boys. Tell us please. Oh, the last person to go. I just think firstly, just hearing everyone today. I'm just like, I don't want to stop fighting. I think everything about me and what I teach my son and obviously, for our whole conversation, he's been listening. And that's what I teach my son every single day. Cavani you're a leader. If you ask Avani What does mommy say to every day? Come on, you're a leader and you're born to change people's life. What's going to make you prosperous in life is helping others. And I think that's all I'm about. I remember when I was 15. And I had my son, and I just, I didn't want to live anymore. The only thing that made me want to live was him. And even sometimes when I looked at him, it was just like, I can't even offer you anything. I'm 15 I have a school tie on a blazer i What can I do for you. I'm looking back now. And I was the youngest female to stand in Croydon as a conservative councillor, I've sat on the same row as the Prime Minister Boris Johnson. And I'm kind of directing a charity that employed hundreds of young parents and delivered sessions in school about teenage pregnancy prevention. And I'm just getting started, I know for sure. One day, I'll be an MP, I just know that that's what I'm gonna be. And I'm not gonna stop until I get there. I wasn't born to not create change. I was born to change policies to impact change, and to inspire young people, especially young parents that this is not the end for us. Obviously, I'm a Christian, and I believe in God, we had children young for a reason. And that was to inspire and educate others, you have an a child, whether you have the child with you or not, is so that your story can help and prevent someone else from experiencing the same thing. So I guess my closing statement in this is never lose sight of why you was born and why you are creative. That child that you have is a testament of your strength and your words, and your life story is what's going to keep somebody else from saying, I don't want to die today. And I meet so many young parents that say they just had enough, you know, they don't know what to do that they can't cope anymore. And it's good to say that is my child that gets up every morning. But there may be that one day where you you just lose your train of thought is that inside where you have to make a young parent understand that you can do it, forget your child for a second, because they're gonna grow old one day, and I left home at 15. So I do hope my son ever does that. But it's about you and your well being to your mental health. And if you're okay, I'm telling you, your spouse, your child, or your son or your daughter, so it's kind of emotional for me because I have my son here. And I talk like this to him every single day. And obviously, he's looking at me smiling because he already knows why I'm with him. We need to teach our children. He said he's not smiling. But he is we need to teach our children that they're leaders. They're born leaders that the next CEOs, the next prime ministers, the next policymakers, and if we can store that into them, even if there's zero pounds in their account or your account, or sometimes you go into the Tesco and you don't you can't even buy bread. If the next 15 to 20 years of you continuously telling yourself that you can make it you can do it. So I'm so glad I've joined today. Thank you, Bethany, you're actually an excellent host, I must say. And yeah, good luck, guys. We're gonna make it. I never expected to get so emotional to the end. Dave, thank you. I'm just, I'm just trying to be myself. I'm just again, like, you know, who would have known just me like when I had my son. I had nobody, no help at all. And unless you go to one of the best universities in the world, again, I'm gonna I know I'm going to accomplish amazing things. I don't know what I'm going to be. I could be anything. I could be an investment bank. I could be a lawyer. I could be anything in terms of the course that I do. But one thing that I I'm always going to be in terms of right now and today in the context of this podcast, I'm always going to be a mum. And like I said, I'll be a mum to many children, not just my own son, Prince. And yeah, this is just going out to all the mums. Thank you and other people listening. Thank you for listening to our podcast today. Yeah, it's just been so great. And please share this. We really need everyone to hear our voices and hear what we have to say. And thank you everyone for coming. Girls. You've been amazing while women actually women you will amazing ladies, you've been amazing. Yeah, thank you. If you want more information, then visit our blog at www.centerpointe.org/blog. Don't forget Centerpoint offers free advice via the centerpoint helpline to anyone aged 16 to 25. who is homeless or at risk of homelessness. Call us free on Oh 88000661 We're open Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm. You can also leave us a message on our website at www.centerpointe.org.uk/youth homelessness slash get help now.